Isn't Cherishing a strategy we can use to bring our spouse to their glory.
What if we viewed our marriage as a separate entity? Much like a bank account. If we make deposits, then we have savings to draw on. But if we are continually making withdrawals, before long we will attempt to draw resources but have none.
Marriage is extremely delicate. Like a tender plant it does not take much for it to wither and die. God likens the wife as a tender vine (Psalm 128: 3). If you know a vine, all it needs to wilt is careless, inconsiderate treatment.
Consider your marriage as a separate entity. The marriage develops or is destroyed based on how its treated. It's understood. When we are dating, we fantasize that marriage will be a never-ending romantic journey where we are effortlessly sailing on a rosy bed of joyous ecstasy. How we imagine that this overpowering feeling of infatuation will permanently remain the pinnacle of marriage.
But we soon discover that the saying is true: To see somebody and live with them are two different things. The truth is that the period of infatuation usually last between 12 and 24 months. After that, we have to grapple with the reality of living with another person who is fundamentally different than ourselves in a number of areas. Someone who has been marinated differently, in that they come from different background and upbringing.
The words we speak, the behaviors we exhibit, impact our partner, and in reality, the marriage, for good or bad. Meeting this reality come as a shock to some, as the true nature of their character is revealed in a relationship that is meant to be permanent.
May I offer one simple, but life-saving formula? Make a commitment with your own soul that, "I will habituate my mind, discipline my thoughts, and harness my talents and resources to CHERISH my spouse. To do what's good for the marriage. To heap upon the object of my love whatever is needed to fill her/ his emotional bank account".
The gestures, the attention to details, the respectful responses to their attempt to connect. The anticipating of their needs even before the needs arise. The kind, gentle words that communicate affirmation and validation. The assisting with the house chores. The planned date nights and vacation away from the kids. The gifts that speak eloquently "I've been thinking of you". and the list goes on.
Consider marriage as a separate entity, and shower upon it what develops and NEVER what destroys it. Put a restarint upon your tongue. Commit that you'll never utter a negative word to your spouse, for this is a sure dynamite to annihilate what you intend to build. Take the security of this entity seriously. Guard it with all the strength of your being. Allow for no intrusion. No difficult in-laws or any third party whomever they may be.
Set a hedge around this sacred entity, as you invest time, talent and energy to embellish, nurture and develop it. It will not be long before you will admit, that cherishing is the best strategy to bring our spouse to their glory.
-To your success, Lloyd Allen