For marriage to be happy, many will need to unlearn lessons or experiences inherited from their past
For marriage to be happy, many will need to unlearn lessons or experiences inherited from their family of origin.
A few questions to ponder. 1. How you discipline your children today. Where did you learn that? Is it primarily based on what you saw as a child, or how you were disciplined by your parents or other caretakers?
2. How you relate to your spouse today. Your communication patterns. Whether you are constantly critical of others or you easily take the high road to forgive or overlook the minor flaws and mishaps of your spouse or children. Where did you learn that?
Some are constantly miserable or easily angered. Is it because of some unresolved issues or hurt experienced as a child or young adult? Let’s cut to the chase a bit. Isn’t it due to a faulty upbringing for the most part? There are a few sources that inform our perspectives of marriage. Chief among these are lessons learned from our family of origin.
So it’s time for therapy. It’s time to shamefacedly consult our past and assess whether the habits or practices that are now hurting our marriage were gleaned from lessons of our childhood or young adulthood. The fact is; for the most part they are.
What will you do about it? Isn’t time we have a close battle with our own heart and resolve that come what may I will not allow my marriage to be strangled by chains with which I was involuntarily shackled? Isn’t it time for some self-inventory? Isn’t time we reason candidly with our own soul and passionately, like a dying man, claim every help that divinity can muster for our own healing?
If you have the kind of spouse who is able to listen, without judging, it may be helpful to talk about your deepest hurt and fear and concerns. The more it’s brought to the open, the more it can be normalized. You may just discover that it’s not that bad after-all, and there are many others who have tread a similar path during the period of their innocence. If your spouse cannot withstand such unveiling, it may be helpful to talk to a mature pastor or professional counselor.
Whatever the case, it’s time for such wound to be brought to the open. First, you remove it from the festering warmth of your own bosom. You pluck it from the deep recesses of your being where it’s cancerous tumor flourished. Secondly, you allow your soul the clarity that life happens to all, in different shapes and form, and you are not a unique sufferer.
As you avail yourself of human aid and companionship, as Jesus did when He exclaimed to his disciples, “My soul is exceedingly sorrowful”, don’t forget that He who was once the chief of sufferers has now become the Master Healer. It was He who invited all burdened souls of all ages to, “Cast all your cares upon me, for I care for you.”
Lean upon His bosom of compassion and love. Stare into His eyes of thoughtfulness and understanding as Peter did at the betrayal. How that self-sufficient, yet weakened soul found healing and restoration with just a look at the Savior. You can, also.
So, fall to your knees and cry out to Him, you child of woe. Touch the hem of His garment, you struggling sojourner. He healed the sick of the palsy. He bound up the broken in heart. He certainly can bind up your soul.